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Jokes
Sayings You Might Pick Up if You've Been In HGHS Band too long
1.Cool Beans
2.Sweet
3.Yeah and the clue birdie just crapped all over you.
4.Dont you feel like a freshmen?
5.Set!!Whoops its not marching season anymore.
6.Tubby Custad!!
7.Cameron, dont drag!
8.Dont Suck.
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More Instrument Jokes
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Clarinet Jokes
How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
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What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What's the difference between a bari sax and a chain saw?
The exhaust.
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Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.
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Brass
Trumpet Jokes
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
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What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.
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How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I'm better than you."
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Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
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How do you know when a trombone player is at your door?
The doorbell drags.
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What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.
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What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?
A optimist.
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How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
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It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays it!
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How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
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What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.
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Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
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How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I played that last year."
"Hi. I did that piece in junior high."
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A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
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Tuba Jokes
What's the range of a tuba?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
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How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
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Percussion
Percussionist Jokes
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
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What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
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What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
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How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
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How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
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Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
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What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.
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What do you do with a horn player that can't play?
Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a band director.
that ones for you mr.noah!
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