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How man trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the world revloves around them!
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What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.
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How many trumpets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
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How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
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How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
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Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
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What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?"
"But Johnny, you can't do both."
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What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
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Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?
They never know when to come in.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
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What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
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How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
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What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
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Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.
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Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
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What is the range of a piccolo?
Oh, about twenty yards on a good day.
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How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have a machine that does that now.
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How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.
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How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?
Shoot one.
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What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.
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You've been in band too long if....
1. When you walk in step with the person in front of
you
2. When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite
song
3. When all of your friends are in band
4. When you don't mind changing clothes on the bus, or
in the bandroom.
5. When you look forward to voodoo
6. When band humor has inspired a whole new genre of
comics, known as freestyle
7. When you sit with your friends and hum your
different parts for fun.
8. When you remember how to play show music from three
years ago, and sit down and play it with your friends
for fun.
9. When you point out key changes and dynamics while
listening to the radio.
10. When you like wearing your uniform.
11. When every guy/girl you're interested in is in the
band
12. When people ask you about your social life and you
say, "Oh, you mean my flute/trumpet/drum/etc.?"
13. When you consider your drill book a fashion
accessory.
14. When you've had a "trombone-ectomy."
15. When people worry when they see you without your
instrument.
16. When "armed guard" means a girl with a pole
instead of a guy with a gun.
17. When you respond to "band fagâ€Â
18. When someone says the word "set†and you
automatically snap to attention
19. When you remember flats and sharps more easily
than your name
20. When you dress the lunch line and urge others to
do the same
21. When slides feel normal
22. When your instrument has a name
23. When you remember your instrument's birthday and
forget your mom's.
24. When making a line is your biggest accomplishment
of the day
25. When marching backwards no longer reminds you of
ballet.
26. When you give your instrument a birthday party.
27. When you can make brown shoes look white.
28. When your uniform fits.
29. When you see your section more than you see your
family
30. When everyone wants to kill the other football
team...and you want to kill the other band, but only
if it is Scottsboro.
31. When you think evening practices should last a
half-hour longer.
32. When you accidentally call you band director dad.
33. When reeds taste good
34. When marking time is your favorite form of
exercise.
35. When you have a neck strap/harness tan line
36. When numbers past 8 aren't important.
37. When you're more opinionated about the Vanguard's
rivalry than Clinton's politics.
38. When you roll-step through the cafeteria so you
don't spill your lunch.
39. When letters past G aren't important.
40. When everybody fights like family
41. When you root for the other football team to
lessen the time of your season
42. When you know everybody else's personal business
43. When you've practiced so long, the color guard is
together
44. When you have no more secrets
45. When you don't try to hide the fact that you're in
band
46. When you subconsciously start humming your music
47. When you know not only your own part, but everyone
else's too.
48. When you can tell who's in the bathroom by looking
at their sneakers under the stall
49. When you resort to humming your band music to fall
asleep.
50. When wide open spaces stir up an urge to march
your show
51. When you have a pin from every competition you've
been to.
52. When you friends that aren't in marching band
create a group called "non-marchers"
53. When you don’t have any friends who aren’t in
band.
54. When you have 2 instruments-a junky one for
marching band and a good one for concert band
55. When dreams of marching are constantly in your
head.
56. When it doesn’t matter if you can’t go to movies
on the weekends with your friends, because all of your
friends are in band, so nobody’s going anyway.
57. When you don't see your parents on the weekends
58. When your free time is spent on homework.
59. When the drummers actually start to make sense
60. When you wear your band shirt in public
61. When you have your friends call you to attention
before you walk anywhere.
62. When your furniture is dented from banging
drumsticks on it
63. When you prefer classical music rather than modern
music
64. When the French horn section sounds good
65. When the piccolos play in perfect unison
66. When the trumpet section's echo seems normal.
67. When you can make this list longer… and do.
68. When you get the jokes on this list.
69. When you can show this to more than 5 people, plus
your band director
70. When you hang out with your instrument section and
tell others they aren't invited because they aren't
part of your section
71. When you make comments on the list.
72. When you actually go back to watch your old high
school band, even when you have a new band at college.
73. When your siblings are in band too.
74. When you have more guard/band accessories than
real accessories.
75. When the sound of clapping makes you nervous.
76. When you catch yourself marking time to music at
the grocery store.
77. When you find yourself using your band directors
'catch-phrases' (i.e.sounds like a you problem.cool beans
78. When people in your classes start using your band
director's catch phrases - and they aren't in band.
79. When you're walking next to someone and you're in
step with them, and you don't notice.
80. When you see your section more than you see your
family.
81. When you walk and you automatically start with
your left foot.
82. When you CAN sight-read.
83. When you subconsciously start practicing with a
pencil.
84. When you're prone to getting smacked in the head
with a flag.
85. When being mauled by a drum is a normal part of
life.
86. When you tend to mistake other words for the word
band.
87. When you're actually looking forward to school
because band starts again.
88. When you don't even know what the cafeteria looks
like because you're always in the band room during
lunch.
89. When your uniform actually fits.
90. When you think your plume is alive. (Or resembles
a dead rooster on a stick.)
91. When black feathers become a fashion "do."
92. When you can put your uniform on in less than 5
minutes.
93. When you start flanking into your classes.
94. When you know what flanking is.
95. When you make up games as a group, and everyone
always knows what everyone else is talking about.
98. When you say one word and everyone knows what you
mean.
99. When you hear "Beat your face" and you do 5
push-ups.
100. When you look forward to after school practices.
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